I think I like food so much because I like the notion of control. Or rather, I like the illusion of control. I imagine sometimes that I possess complete agency in my life, over what happens next and over what I become. I believe that if only I perfect my technique—on poaching eggs, on kneading dough, on researching and on writing, on teaching, on practicing yoga, on living—then I will be able to predict the dimensions, the shades and the tones of my future results. Precisely.
I’m wrong, of course. I know this. In fact, I rarely know how anything will turn out once I begin.
On the first day of the new year, I made a salad of flowering kale with chickpeas and tahini sauce. Moro East calls for chard, but our grocery didn’t have any. I never had worked with flowering kale previously. It is beautiful, I think.
I also have a thing for comics, or graphic narratives — as many seem to be calling them now. The medium of comics works through both words and images, rather like blogging itself. Earlier today, I read an interview featured in Page to Page: Retrospectives of Writers from the Seattle Review (Seattle, WA: U of Washington P, 2006) of Lynda Barry, creator of One! Hundred! Demons! She tells the interviewer, Edward Jenkinson, that she once had had a lot of trouble working until she finally let go of “trying to plan the book out in advance and control the story” (168). She highlights a feeling of “exhilaration” that “came from being released from having to tell the story myself” (169). Her words seem so crucial, necessary in the creation of so many things. One might say that keeping these words in mind is my new year’s resolution — or, if not a resolution then an acknowledgement of a certain duality of two propositions that seem always to be working in tandem with each other — a fluidity between having a plan and letting it go, of desiring control and celebrating its loss.
Still, I end with my data: This dish represents my 2nd (the salad) and 3rd (the tahini sauce) completed recipes from Moro East. Percentage complete: 1.88%